Stupid Puddleses

" 'Do you feel any need to leave the Shire now - now that your wish to see them has come true already?' he asked.
'Yes sir. I don't know how to say it, but after last night I feel different. I seem to see ahead, in a kind of way. I know we are going to take a very long road, into darkness; but I know I can't turn back. It isn't to see Elves now, nor dragons, nor mountains, that I want- I don't rightly know what I want: but I have something to do before the end, and it lies ahead, not in the Shire. I must see it through sir, if you understand me.'
'I don't altogether. But I understand that Gandalf chose me a good companion. I am content. We will go together.'"
-Frodo and Sam
The Fellowship of the Ring
J.R.R. Tolkien

I Wanna Hold Your Ha-a-and!

Across symbolic puddles and shambolic life,
I will hold up your hands
Across hills and planes and miles of asphalt, painted with yellow and white,
I will lift your hands heavenward
Across battlefields and and armor of fallen friend and foe, through forests of those still warring,
I will hold you up
Over phone lines, through cyberspace, and cellular waves, my eyes are blurring,
May I bear you up
Across distance, in spirit, in fervent love, separated by borders of many lands,
My heart, God's, Your heart, His,
I still will hold up your hands
Abba, Father, thank You. You, the perfect One
To Him, to Him, I'll raise your hands
To see over the sun.

You encourage me so much, Bethie. I am praying still.
Love,
Katie-Bee

Blindness

Death has been thrown in my face lately. Death. The more and more I learn about life and Jesus, the more and more I come to realize about death. Death for some carries connotations of pain, of suffering, of ending. For some, death brings fear, mostly of the unknown, for we profess Christ, but on our deathbed, in the last second of life, we come to know whether we really trust Him or not. Are there ghosts? Is there an angel? Is there a white light? Who can know? Um, The Dead!! Even Paul and John inspired by the Holy Spirit couldn't figure out a way to tell us, much less books like 90 minutes in heaven! So what is it like? What is Gehenna like? What about Abraham's Bosom? Where are we really going? What really happens to our bodies? The only thing I know is that for those found in Christ, the more we die, the more we are reborn. Reborn to what, we cannot know and no one can tell us. Medeline L'Engle and others have described it like this : Suppose there is a planet where people don't have eyes. When they die they go to a planet where they have eyes. How would you be able to describe sight to them while they were still blind?

awww

We're all small and stuff. I miss you, fwiend.

I love you, Bethie

The Lord has been very sharply putting into focus the definition of love, for me.

"Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful." -Colossians 3:12-15

Love is not to be taken lightly. And contrary to what may be assumed by the reader, no, I am not speaking in terms of 'eros' at the moment (although that is a love worth much consideration and gravity as well). Love: ('phileo' and 'agape') is vital to a disciple of Christ. And it has become a commonality, especially in what we consider to be the church, to very frivolously throw around the phrase "I love you." Now, do not take it that I in any way would discourage loving and loving abundantly and broadly. Only be cautious that when you say "I love you," that you love deeply. Genuine. What Coleridge says of truth may also be said of love.

"Truths, of all others the most awful and interesting, are too often considered so true, that they lose all the power of truth, and lie bed-ridden in the dormitory of the soul, side by side with the most despised and exploded errors."

God let not my love be a common one. But express Your love through me. And I cannot explain His love. I leave it to the knowledge of the reader. But I hope you see it in my life. I love you, Bethie. I lift you up to our Father, "thankful upon every remembrance of you."

Art in you

She doesn't do you credit, Bethie. But I was just fiddling around with my sketch pad and pencil the other day. And your picture came to mind. So these are dedicated to you, my love.
With all my heart,
Katie-Bee

I found a frog, Bethie!

Okay, gross, weird, immature, or what-freakin'-ever.......I don't care! I know that wouldn't be your reaction, Beth. But my mom, grandmother, and sister didn't appreciate my little escapade. But I like nature! It's part of me. I miss you so much, my love. Talk to you soon.....I hope.

Miss you

okay, my email keeps returning my emails to you undelivered! says that your emmy addy is inactive or something. It's pretty bogus. I'll call you soon bebe, mom got unlimited long-distance calling w/ our phone. woohoo. but for now, know I miss you and here are some pictures for you to see.

Ow

I cannot tell of pain
Nor explain the sense of loss
This agonizing breathlessness brings me closer to the cross
To walk alone has been given me
A solemn weighty task
Yet joyfully will I traverse this narrow holy path
A cloud of witnesses, aye, 'tis true
Yet unjoined do I now run
Only to the Lord Most High - He is the only One
So depth and texture, character and love
Will come from present wounds
But under no delusion am I that such things come easily or soon
While slash of knife has since passed
Only now does blood come forth
Tears of anguish cascade down as I'm told of my lesser worth
Alone! Alone! Are you! Are you!
The voice hacks at my shield
Unable to speak and hear I two voices
To which words do I yield?
Words of hope, salvation, love
And do I dare believe?
Now hov'ring over my bowed head, the enemy does seethe
Waging on, the battle
Continue till end of time
My prayer a life of worship
For now a height to climb




My prayer right now is just that the Lord would lead me through this hurt, this sadness. He is.

Spill

"He who is alone with his sins is utterly alone. It may be that Christians, notwithstanding corporate worship, common prayer, and all their fellowship in service, may still be left to their loneliness. The final breakthrough to fellowship does
not occur because, though they have fellowship with one another as believers and as devout people, they do not have fellowship as the undevout, as sinners. The pious fellowship permits no one to be a sinner. So everyone must conceal his sin from himself and from their fellowship. We dare not be sinners. Many Christians are unthinkably horrified when a real sinner is suddenly discovered among the righteous. So we remain alone with our sin, living in lies and hypocrisy. The fact is that we are sinners." -Deitrich Bonhoeffer
To deny our sins is to deny His grace, to deny our absolute need for Him. To condemn anyone's sin is to condemn Christ Himself. He became sin for us. Every broken heart, broken home, tear stained face, hidden shame, every ounce of guilt or fear or hurt or death that ever will be or has been or is being caused by sin, Christ became. Holiness is nudity. My sins are many man. I'm very saved. I'm sick of being afraid that people will find out I'm a sinner. Yup. Yup I am, and chief among them if I do say so myself, not that I'm proud of it, maybe I'm just learning what Paul knew about boasting in my infirmities, I don't know. The point is that the Lord desires a holy nudity between His people. A Holy nudity which lets the members of the body know their place. How can one display a gift of encouragement if no one needs encouraging? How can one exhibit mercy if every one is worthy? A Holy nudity which strives to achieve unity, unity in love and unity in infirmity. Even the world agrees that group therapy is the best way to get treatment because just knowing that you're not alone helps a person get better. How can those who have seen the loving mercy of God and experienced His forgiveness be less open and humble than AA members? So its spill time, I dopn't know exactly how or where a confessional of sorts should take place whether here or elsewhere, I don't know, but I'm sick of being alone. So there. Just thoughts.

Tired

As indicated, I am tired. This week has seemed so long. I've gotten to spend some time in the Word, finally. But there's still this sweetness that I remember and miss. I just want to sit at the feet of Yahweh and listen. A time of few words, a bit of music, and loving Jesus. I'm praying that He would teach me how to be at peace while everything and everyone around me is going off-the-wall-loud-and-crazy. Peace.....I love that word. I love it because of the sweet (not the 'cool' kind of sweet; the 'precious' and 'honey' kind of sweet) reality of God-given-ness behind it.
-Grace, mercy, and peace to you

Groping

I read Acts 17 for the first time ever it seemed the other day. I have been captured by this idea of groping in the dark. Acts 17:26-28 says :" And He has made from one blood every nation of men to dwell on all the face of the earth, and has determined their preappointed times and the boundaries of their dwellings, so that they should seek the Lord, in the hope that they might grope for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us; for in Him we live and move and have our being, as also some of your own poets have said ' for we are also His offspring'." Everything is the way it is for every person ever in the hope that everyone might seek the Lord, grope for Him....I love that it says "though He is not far from each one of us". As of late I've been groping, as I think all have to find something, anything in the dark and it seems just out of reach. It is when we get this fear about us, this thought process of "What ifs" that we must believe the Lord is near though we don't feel Him and certainly can't see Him just because He says He is. The Lord wants me to grope, He does not leave me hopeless or stranded in the dark but whispers "I am near" and I continue to grope until I find Him.